'The Rules' Girls are back with the dating bible for the modern, digital age.The Rules taught a generation of women how to turn their dating misery into marriage success.
'The Rules' Girls are back with the dating bible for the modern, digital age.
Here's the best way to approach texting someone you want to date, according to the experts. How long do you wait to message that cute guy from the gym?
If you ask around, some people will tell you to wait for "this many days" before you make contact, but that strategy is flat-out silly.
" What you say in your first text message important (more on that later), but it isn't nearly as important as you actually reaching out. As online dating coach Patrick King explains, they have already given you their number because there is some mutual attraction there, so you don't have to stress as much about the possibility of rejection.
When you do send that first text, however, Regina Lynn, the author of , suggests you follow the same etiquette as phone calls.
Don't text him at odd hours, like late at night or really early in the morning. This was by far the most common advice you'll find: don't just text someone "hey." In fact, if you browse some online dating profiles you'll probably find people sharing the same advice.
Texting the cute guy from the gym when he's trying to sleep will turn that "yay she's texting me! While writing the book , comedian Aziz Ansari and Dr Eric Klinenberg, Professor of Sociology at New York University, organised hundreds of focus groups to decipher the modern dating landscape.
That can make you over-think what you say and do on the date, instead of being your natural self.
It's like you're on your second date in terms of info, but you first date in terms of physical chemistry, which can make things awkward. by the time you meet your partner for an actual date, you've built up this whole image and fantasy in your head of who you think they are, and then they turn out to be totally different. During their focus groups, Ansari and Dr Klinenberg also noticed a texting trend they dubbed the "secretary problem", where potential couples would spend so much time trying to "pencil each other in" they would burn out and the spark would fizzle before the first meetup.
When they asked the focus groups about their personal texts, they found that participants unanimously agreed that the "hey" text is a bad idea.
As Ansari and Dr Klinenberg explain, the "hey" text seems like a perfectly harmless message to send, but that one word says a lot more than you realise. It makes the recipient feel like they're not very special or important, and it makes you as the sender seem the same way.