It’s a dangerous combination, even when substances are not at all involved – increased impulsivity with diminished regulatory capacity.
Compassionate parents focus on the long-term wellbeing of the child, rather than the momentary ego boost of feeling “trusted.” A good parental rejoinder to “You don’t trust me,” is, “I don’t trust myself enough to know that you will be safe and well without knowing where you are and what you’re doing.
(Testosterone doesn't cause anger but it amplifies it considerably.) It's crucial for parents to model responsibility in all that they do, including owning their own mistakes, especially those that relate to disputes with their children. I was lucky because my dad was a firefighter, so he had every other day off and would be at home.
For more help, see Compassionate Parenting Hi My son is 14 yr and we are finding it so hard to make him study. Sometimes his dad goes out of control beat him up, but it's not helping. I remember my brother and I being able to talk to him about stuff like peer pressure, sticking up for other kids, bullying, and other life things…
One just turned 18 and is finishing high school while the other just turned 14 and is finishing middle school.
One is easy-going but private, sharing information with me on strictly a “need-to-know” basis.So what can you do so that you will have some freedom without me having to worry so much?”In particular teenagers need to learn that: In general, boys do not auditory-process as well as girls.Likewise, I’ve grown to “learn” her and manage myself in important ways in order to parent her the best I can.I notice other parents with more than one child also experience their kids as vastly different in basic temperament.And they need to know in advance exactly how much power and privilege they will lose for specific irresponsible behaviors. When you behave irresponsibly, say speeding or cheating on your taxes, you know in advance what the penalty will be.Finally, children learn emotion regulation principally by modeling, not by what parents tell them.I also have two teen girls of my own and literally go from teen girls in my office to teen girls in my home in a five-minute commute.My girls are at opposite ends of the spectrum in many ways.We have a case of parental differential treatment and I am powerless to change that but there are days when I see his dad trying to do what is right. It’s not easy being a teen girl and not easy parenting one.