Smarter advice for dating relationship question

How did you decide that this was the question you wanted to interrogate?

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All things that we know produce good relationship partners.

But when it came time to close that distance and men had to interact with these women face-to-face, they started to lose interest. I would get on dates where a guy would be so excited about the date, we’d have intellectual sparring and then we’d get there and it started to be a competition.

There were a lot of women in my book who ended up dating men who all their friends and family said: “Don’t do it. How do women know when to invest in a man who’s not quite ready yet?

A lot of that comes down to really looking for things that you like in someone and maybe being patient with someone who’s not fully there yet, but you see potential there.

And no matter how much men say they want an equal partner, a woman who’s smart and independent, studies find that such women often make men feel emasculated or inferior.

Birch and I spoke about her book last week; the following interview has been edited for clarity and length.

That was a big guiding question from the beginning.

And then Lora Park had research that came out in 2015 that showed psychological distance matters a lot. “Psychological distance” has to do with when you’re thinking about something as an abstract concept.

If men aren’t fully aware of what’s holding them back, how do men and women date smarter?

If you listen closely, men will tell you where they’re at.


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