I fought those affections like crazy." But as an undeniable connection formed, Leah finally made a bold request: "I told the Lord, unless I hear Travis say, 'The Lord has laid it on my heart that you are to be my wife,' I will not move forward." The night before the two gave a group presentation together, they met to pray.
"After we prayed, Travis took up the courage and said those exact words! "That's what I had been waiting for." Although many of the questions I receive are from women who are considering whether or not to date a younger man, many of the same principles apply to the decision-making process regardless of who's older.
Johanna said she found it a bit awkward to connect with her boyfriend, Paul’s, friends, even though he was only three years younger. I felt removed from their age and current life stage," she says. A friend once told me that the acceptable age difference was half the older person's age plus seven.
She and Paul married anyway, and over time the difference in maturity dissipated. While I don't think it's important to adhere to an arbitrary formula when considering age in a potential relationship (interestingly, when I met Kevin our age difference was exactly this ratio), I think it can be a good rule of thumb to help you consider if your relationship is appropriate.
"To have a threat like that hanging over a relationship... "Real maturity isn't about being able to negotiate every day problems and who pays the bills... Look, sexual dysfunction can happen at any age so I don't like to generalise, but particularly with older men, there can be issues about the bedroom.
Significant age difference dating significant age difference dating
it's about how you negotiate your own unconscious insecurities. "I mean, all couples have insecurities, regardless of age, but a large age gap can bring different insecurities to the surface that the couple will need to be able to negotiate." There are other challenges to consider too, especially if the age gap is a particularly large one. So perhaps a younger person still likes to go out partying whereas the older person likes to have quiet dinners at home. People should be aware that if you are going to go for someone older, the libido can drop after 60 or 70 years of age." There may also be judgment from family or friends, or a general disbelief that a relationship with such a large age gap could work.
If you have somebody who has already established their family -- for instance an older guy might meet a younger woman who wants to have children but he doesn't -- that can be a real deal breaker in my experience." Ferrari also stated a large age gap can, in some cases, cause insecurity in a relationship which can be a difficult challenge to overcome.
"An important thing to look at is -- while the compatibility and affection might be really good -- if one of you is feeling threatened the other person will run off with somebody else," she said.
"I do think that if you are someone that really has a pattern of continually choosing someone much older it's probably important to take a look at that and understand what it's about," she said.
"Because you could be projecting some unfinished parental issues of your own.