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Rules weren’t necessarily made to be broken, but they sure don’t seem to apply to him. Kate Ferguson Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres.
You don’t feel like he really knows you, even though you’ve been together a while.
How is a narcissist supposed to get to know your inner thoughts and dreams when he’s busy listening to himself talk?
He gets divorced, goes bankrupt, does time in prison, is threatened, harassed and stalked, is often devalued, betrayed, denigrated and insulted. Invariably, following every life crisis, the somatic narcissist in him takes over.
The cerebral narcissist suddenly becomes a lascivious lecher.
If you feel like you’ve spent a good amount of bonding time together but there just doesn’t seem to be much of a bond there to speak of, you might be right. He might not be listening to you, but try to give your opinion on anything or correct him on something he’s wrong about and the narcissist is going to hop in with the “real” truth on that topic. Don’t be surprised, however, when you hear him repeating something you said earlier to someone else, even though he shot it down cold at the time. The narcissist loves to make other people think he’s awesome, which can require some false image projection to keep up.
Instead of coming from an authentic place (which can get transparent and vulnerable), that narcissistic guy will lead with trophies in his sexual life, finances, material goods, religion, affiliations, etc.
Pretty much anything he can throw at you to “prove” how great he is, he will. At first you thought it was cute and exciting how he’d find ways to cut lines and avoid jury duty, but now you’re starting to wonder if he’s just a real jerk. The narcissist knows when to turn on the charm to keep people around, otherwise they would lose all the people who have to listen to his bragging.
The narcissist has been known to bully the wait staff, not give up seats for old ladies, and has no qualms about taking the moral low ground. Keep in mind that not all charmers are narcissists, but the ones that are will go out of their way to sweep women off their feet and then drop them when they get bored. Which is actually how he might refer to himself from time to time.
The cerebral narcissist uses his intellect, his intelligence and his professional achievements to obtain the same.
The somatic narcissist flashes his sexual conquests, parades his possessions, puts his muscles on ostentatious display, brags about his physical aesthetics or sexual prowess or exploits, is often a health freak and a hypochondriac.