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The experience was so traumatic that he never sought another foreign girlfriend again.On the flip side, I suspect that some foreign women might be unwilling to give Chinese men a chance because of money.

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According to Xiao Yu, some Chinese men could never believe that such a girl would become their one and only. A driver who took me to the Beijing Airport this summer admitted he once had a Russian girlfriend when he was a college student.

But he said he was never able to satisfy her (yes, in way), so they parted.

As Leong, the author and UCLA professor put it: “Asian men can kick butt, but they can’t have a kiss.” It gets a little more personal in blogs, such as posts titled Us Bitter, Bitter Asian Men or Sucks to be an Asian male. I’ve had Chinese guys refuse me because they felt, as a traditional man, they could never see themselves married to a foreign girl.

However, the subtext is often that foreign women are a dangerous choice — too casual, the temptress, etc — or could not accept a Chinese way of life.

Rarely have they been depicted with traditionally masculine traits.

With a few exceptions, Asian men on screen have been small, sneaky and threatening — or spineless, emasculated wimps, or incompetents who may well be technically proficient in martial arts, but impotent when faced with white man’s superior strength or firepower. Even today, Asian American men complain that action heroes such as Chow Yun Fat and Jackie Chan rarely get the girl.

Generally, the pressure to split up comes from the family since, after all, in China, marriage is a family affair.

There was one Chinese boyfriend who told me, flat out, that his parents would never accept me.

Still, despite the odds, sterotypes and other barriers, it does happen that Chinese men and foreign women get together.

It happened for me — and a growing number of other women, including bloggers such as the Local Dialect, The Downtown Diner, and Wo Ai Ni.

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