Every time I looked at it, I would think back to that night in May 2004 when I first laid eyes on you.
I thought about us being kids, not having anything but each other.
I never imagined you and I, out of all the people in this world, would go through something so devastating as we did.
Throughout the years, we created the most beautiful memories.
I thought about the dreams we shared, and how I was so ready to spend the rest of my life with you.
You helped shaped me into the man I was becoming, and this was a representation of my love and appreciation for you.I was so nervous walking onto that beach in Long Branch -- my hands were sweating, my heart racing.When I got down on one knee in the sand, I remember the look on your face. I looked forward to that for 27 years, but I never imagined it to be as beautiful as it was.More than anything, I wanted to spend forever with you by my side, and to one day add our own little peanut who would join us for the ride. If I knew then what I know now, I would have held you tighter during our first dance and picked a song that never ended.Everything I did in my life was to ensure yours would be all you dreamed it to be. I'm not perfect, and I never want people to think that I am. I've done things I'm not proud to admit, and I've made decisions I wish I could take back.I didn't care what you were wearing -- whether you had makeup on. How about Valentine's Day in Atlantic City, when we arrived at the hotel and got the keys to our suite, only to find out it was disgusting. I sat there on that cloudy afternoon, lights off in the room, and just watched you sleep.I'd look at you and get lost in your laugh and your smile. I kept thinking about getting to marry you one day and having the opportunity to enjoy that moment over and over again.There's nothing more important to me than your happiness, and knowing you have that means the world to me. You see, too many people live with hate in this world. I'll never hate you, and I'll never be dishonest about my emotions. It brought me to so many beautiful places, taught me so much about life and gave me memories I'll cherish forever. To your parents, sister, grandparents, aunt and uncle -- tell them I always loved them as if they were my own, and I'm sorry if I never lived up to their expectations. I knew what kind of man they wanted for you, and God knows, I did everything I could to make sure I was just that.Our lives took different paths, but that can never take away from the memories we shared. And finally, to you -- I'm sorry for anything I may have ever done to hurt you.All those things I wanted to be, I couldn't imagine with anyone but you. We were children with dreams, and together, we thought about the day when all of ours would come true. The music died down, the lights shut off, and our magical journey came to an abrupt halt. Suddenly, everything that was so familiar about life felt so foreign. All I had left were my memories and dreams of us that I knew would never come true.There are a few things that I never had the opportunity to tell you ...