This means that he needs to be part of a relationship drama instead of part of a relationship.Again, counseling for someone in a relationship with heavy addiction issues is a must and any insistence that, "I'm not crazy, she's the one that's crazy," is a rehearsal for his lines in the movie that might become your life if you stick with him and he continues to live in denial about his role in things going bad.How can you combat your feelings of insecurity and work through this challenging time?
When it comes to seriously dating a nearly divorced man, there is frequently a third person in your relationship – his not-quite-ex-wife.
It feels like he’s the one for you but the strong emotions he feels for his wife are a challenge. She was a bitch, yet he seems to be grieving the loss of HER.
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Fast forward a few years, and in at least 50% of those marriages, one or both partners are going to bail on that commitment.
Even those people who are completely clear and convinced they’re doing the right thing in ending the marriage can hit a very painful phase, particularly as the reality of the divorce hits them.
WHAT IT TAKES Here are some things you may want to remind yourself of, as you deal with this phase of your relationship: • He’s doing the very best he can right now (even if you’re SURE he could be doing better); • This too shall pass!
• He did love this woman at one time, and the habitual attachment, no matter how painful and dysfunctional it may have been, is hard for a man to let go of at times; • When a man feels like a failure, it is hard for him to behave powerfully; • Remind yourself not to take it personally when he’s being an emotional wreck (if he’s even revealing that to you - he may just head into his “cave” and hide out) And here are some things you may want to do, or do more of: • Make sure when you two are together, you are having high-quality connection time (it will be different, depending on circumstances, of course, but consider these: physical connection, empathic listening, giving him ways to give to you that he can manage well, playing together in whatever way you do that, taking breaks from the intensity of what he’s going through, being together with no agenda); • Spend time with good friends/your support system and do things you enjoy; • Take exquisite care of yourself (all acts of self-love will help you remember you are worthy of love); • Gently let him know if he’s doing things that are feeling hurtful to you (before you do that, check in with the “don’t take things personally” item first, and see if you still need to say something to him); • Praise and acknowledge any and all things about him that you can…it will be like water to a man in the desert at this point.
IN CONCLUSION Choosing to be in a relationship with a man who’s not yet divorced is a challenging journey.
It will call forth your very best qualities: being loving, patient, trusting, empathetic, vulnerable, honest, holding yourself in high regard, being able to be flexible, and being accepting of yourself and of him.