What I found in the LDS dating as an over 30 divorced woman was that the men in my demographic, almost without fail, were fishing in the 20-year old pond. Well, with over 25 men contacting me from one LDS dating site, only one was within 5 years of my age. On the converse side, a male dinner companion from the other night was telling about his dating site experience. So in the spirit of sociological experimentation, he created a bombastic, misogynistic ***hole of an imaginary RM, with a picture of a super Mormon looking dude he cribbed from a google search, tossed in every buzzword he could imagine, and the hits started rolling. Some imaginary jerkwad who told women he would “preside over them in righteousness” while they “fulfilled their roll in the kitchen and bedroom” was getting all sorts of emails from cute girls with Utah hair and Shade t-shirts, while a real, genuine, nice guy was watching dust collect and listening to crickets chirp.
He put up a nice photo of himself, with a sincere and honest profile. Back to the one guy who was in my demographic, age-wise: I agreed to go out on a date.
Ryan Cragun, a sociology professor at the University of Tampa (who also happens to be ex-LDS) considers it an unexpected byproduct of the growing importance of the mission in the life of Mormon men; faced with the choice to serve or not (at a young age when they may not be fully ready to commit), many have chosen to leave.
The more pressure to serve, the more they feel obligated to leave altogether if they don’t meet this requirement (rather than remain and lose status in the community).
However, I met this co-worker of mine and we started hanging out and went on a few dates.
The relationship feels right, but I’m questioning if this is acceptable, especially as I’m ending one relationship and starting a new one in just a few short months.Highlights of the article: In short, it’s a buyer’s market in which men are the buyers and women are the commodities.So, in a church so obviously geared toward men, why are so many of them leaving?For those of us who find ourselves unmarried— even if you were previously married— no matter how impressive your resume, career achievement or college degrees, in very manifest ways, we are still treated as adolescents. In my own pool of LDS dating experience (I was married when I joined the church, so I have a fair amount of real experience in both worlds), I have two distinct impressions: the age imbalance is waaaay out of balance in LDS 31 dating, and generally, we’re all nuts.Yes, I know it’s typical (just like height- see sidebar) for women to be slightly younger than their husbands.The other night, over dinner with friends, we got to talking about dating in the LDS world.The demographics at the table: two married (not to each other), and three never-married or divorced.Can we do that without distractions, gimmicks and discussing my reproductive parts on the first date?Can you ask for a second date without a little cute card tied to my windshield wiper or a balloon tied to my doorknob? It seems as though the extra pressure on LDS folks to marry, and thus achieve adulthood, has distorted us in some very important ways.From the article: Contrary to popular belief, the majority of Mormon men do not go on missions, which typically entail a mix of community service and proselytizing.Mormon men are being asked to serve missions at precisely the time in their lives—late teens and early twenties—when sociologists say men are most susceptible to dropping out of organized religion.