Maybe he cheated and that’s why it ended, but beneath that, there is more to the story. If you want to get back together with your ex, you need to understand the real reasons why you broke up and objectively assess if these are things you can deal with and resolve. Breakups don’t usually come out of nowhere, they’re usually the result of a buildup of many things.Some problems simply can’t be solved and in those cases, you need to honestly decide if it’s something you can live with or not. And make-ups usually happen for one reason: you miss each other. You need to look at whether things can be repaired, and if so, how you will go about doing it.The reason you want him back right now might be because not having him in your life feels worse than when he was in your life, but maybe both of these are bad options!
What draws us into bad relationships and keeps us stuck in them for far too long is low self-esteem.
We don’t believe we can do better and reason that something is better than nothing so we have nothing to lose. If you don’t believe you’re good enough, you will continue to date men who make you feel unworthy and you’ll stay because deep down you think this is what you deserve. Until you realize this and work through whatever needs to be worked through, you won’t be able to have a healthy, happy relationship with anyone, be it your ex or some other guy.
If you feel that this is what you’ll have to resort to in order to get your ex back, then you might want to reconsider whether he’s the right guy for you. Do a self-esteem check-in and ask yourself these questions: Do you feel good about yourself? Do you have good friends, hobbies, passions, a sense of purpose and meaning?
MORE: Ask a Guy- How Can I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back? Do you realize that you are valuable and significant and worthy of having an amazing relationship? The answer might hurt, it may even make you cry, but you need to feel it, you need to get in touch with your true self and you need to nurture that part of you.
Sometimes we don’t even know what we need but then we put pen to paper and something pops out and we’re like, “Whoa, I didn’t even know that’s what I needed, but that sounds amazing! Sometimes we don’t even know what we need but then we put pen to paper and something pops out and we’re like, “Whoa, I didn’t even know that’s what I needed, but that sounds amazing! If you really want to get him back, your focus first needs to be on getting over him.
I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it’s important for several reasons.Do you really want him, or do you miss being in a relationship?Are you looking for validation (especially if he broke up with you), or a sense of feeling ‘good enough?Until you realize this and work through whatever needs to be worked through, you won’t be able to have a healthy, happy relationship with anyone, be it your ex or some other guy.A really good technique to use to get to know yourself and figure out how you feel is to journal.Or did you feel constantly stressed and anxious, always on edge?Did you feel judged, like you had to live up to some sort of expectation? Did you feel like this relationship helped you grow as a person, or did it bring out the worst in you?’ Is he really the right man for you, the one who understands you and appreciates you and just gets you, or are you afraid of being alone, afraid of not being able to find better, afraid of putting yourself back out there on the dating market?Before you do anything, try to uncover the real reasons you want him back in your life.One of the most common questions I get asked is some variation of “How can I get my ex-boyfriend back?” In all honesty, I’m very hesitant with this kind of thing because it usually ends in disaster.