“For me, rebounding straight into another relationship wouldn’t have been healthy.
I needed to truly enjoy people again—to have the thrilling moments as well as the disastrous moments. It wasn’t about feeling ‘young’ again, but about feeling sexy, wanted, passionate, and spontaneous—all the things you kind of lose when you’re in a relationship.
Maria is a 37-year-old jewelry designer who recently ended a 15-year relationship. ”The rampage commenced when, just days after her breakup, Maria got a flirty Facebook message from a guy she dated in her 20s, who’s now married.
This past weekend, I sat down with her and a magnum bottle of cheap Chardonnay to be regaled with stories of her slutty recovery. “At first I was like, ‘No, I’m not going to bone a married dude,’ ” she said.
But instead, I just shut my eyes and zombie walk into a new “relationship.” Anything to avoid being alone with my thoughts.
Of course, it’s not polite to use people as emotional airbags, but no one’s perfect.
(Plus, he gives good head.) For some reason, all of your friends get awkwardly silent when you talk about how wonderfully your new relationship is going, but that’s just because they’re jealous. And you’re you’re not in love—you’re an emotional maniac. After a big breakup, the idea of going cold turkey into going solo is low-key terrifying.
Without someone to do nothing with, the days are suddenly so creepily long. who do I text when I’m hungry to ask what I should eat for lunch?
The idea that I could still be with someone felt safer to me, which is probably something I should unpack with my shrink.”Of course, not everyone leaves a relationship and quickly lies to themselves about finding “the one”; for some people, it takes a village.
The technical term for this is “fucking through your feelings.” My friend Maria is an expert.