I was wondering if you could help me with something that has been playing on my mind recently…
It recently transpired that my boyfriend of 15 months has been looking at girls on a dating website that he used to use before he met me.
The other big difference is that our homes are much more porous than before. In the past, there was one phone and we knew who had called.
Now, your partner could be texting someone else in another room and you don’t know.
Other people can come into your house – via emails and Facebook – 24 hours a day and you aren’t any the wiser.
It’s not surprising that we are on alert more than ever before.However, in the old days we would have to find a photo, write a letter, post it to a PO Box and wait for a reply.It wasn’t very likely we were going to do all that unless we were interested in meeting that person.I found this out after he started to write something in a search engine on his laptop when I was sitting next to him, which brought up his history in the search bar and I asked “do you still look at …(dating website)”.At first, he replied that he has a couple of times, and then when I was unsure whether he was being honest, I asked again and he then said a couple of times a week.Today, we can contact this person at the touch of a button and in an idle moment might send off a “Hi Sexy” message.As you can imagine this can lead to all sorts of problems.He said that he only looks at it to use the function where he can look through it and he can click on “yes” or “no” (i.e. He says that he always clicks on “no” even if they’re good looking.He reassured me that he was not going on there to look for girls, but just to look at their pictures.I also asked if anyone has contacted him on the website since he’s been going out with me and he said that a couple of girls have but he hasn’t replied to them (he also let me see the messages).I know he is committed, as he tells me that he wants to be with me and although he looks at other girls, including girls on a dating site, he tells me has “chosen” to be with me.